What is the Hardest Part of Being a New Mother?

from momversation.com, by Sarah Lavery



Sure, there are countless moments every day when I cherish Adelyn’s tininess, her helplessness and her irreplaceable need for me. I can’t help but think it, though. This part right here, this true infancy part, this is just me doing everything in my power to make sure she survives the day.

I should do tummy-time more, but I can’t take the crying. I should be reading to her more, but on the nights where she’s inconsolably cranky I just want her to finally fall asleep. I should be, by now, able to figure out what’s wrong at the first cry, because some moms can do this you know!  I’ve seen it. I’ve seen them soothe a baby in six seconds and laugh while they wipe throw-up out of their hair.

When Adelyn is awake and she's fed and in a good mood, my world is joyous and my spirit is high. That’s all it takes. Those moments make you forget the rest.

But I’m truly counting down the days when I can be a creative mother, not just one who feeds, burps and rocks. I want to teach her things. I want to listen to her ask questions and answer brilliantly.

Adelyn is napping in her swing, going on an hour and a half. About twenty minutes ago I tip-toed into the living room to grab a phone number I’d left on the coffee table and just the sound of the piece of paper rustling against my fingers woke her. Great, she spent all yesterday not napping and being terribly unhappy.

And if she doesn’t get a good hour and a half nap this morning I’m in for a repeat. I stood still for a moment, out of her eyesight (if she sees me the nap is done for, she starts squuueeee!-ing instantly).

But then Addy just reached her little hand up and scratched a spot on her head. She did it again. Then a third time, and she turned her head to the side and fell back asleep.

I cannot explain how remarkable it was to witness that. It was the first time I’ve seen my daughter react to something that was irking her by fixing it herself. Her head itched so she scratched it. It still itched so she scratched some more.

This is what I’m excited for, teaching her how to fix these little things. It might be getting easier, this mothering stuff. Or maybe I, too, am learning all my lessons.